Junior Year

it's the best year of my life. I have grown more this year than any other year. I am definently more relaxed- do you see me freaking out over the AP US test I failed? No, because life is more important than the A's, or lack thereof, that you get. And I have finally fucking learned that. Because I was a mess sophomore year. Depressed. Didnt care about my looks, about my health, about the possibility that I was destroying myself by making myself stressed. And it's pretty much a shame that people do that subconsciously because then the self destruction may never end. And so enter junior year. I've got 3 APS. Three fucking APS. thats a lot. Stress? None. My Ap Lang is down the toilet, but do I care? No. Because I'm learning. I'm finally god damn learning. A real appliable to life lesson. How to analyze. Mrs Clovis didn't teach me that shit. No, she was just a big bag of shit who despised the word however and anyone who didn't complement her uglyass clothing. Mrs. Mingrone; she's different, and I love the way she teaches. And in AP US im not learning, surprirse surprise, I can't freaking stay awake in that class. And I guess thats okay because that extra sleep has me feeling awake and alive. =]

Losing a Best Friend

Sometimes the best part about having a best friend is knowing that you might be best friends with them for a long time to come - or so I thought. Well a best friend is not going to be there forever; and that's the harsh reality- because people change. They just fucking change. I havent changed. I'm still the same, crazy, anti-society, nutjob, moodswingy, nonattention seeking and funny girl I was five years ago when I first moved here. And so in consequence, one of my best friends is anti-society, the other is nonattention seeking, the other is moodswingy, and the last is a nutjob. But my other best friend, no names, well she used to be some of those things. Now she's not. I want to tell her you've changed, and our friendship is just superficial glue trying to hold what we used to have together. But then I'll alienate her more. She's got another group of best friends. The kind that love attention. That will do anything to get noticed by boys. The kind that she's turned into. And I can't tell her those aren't the people she should be best friends with because that would be a lie. She should be best friends with them because that's just who she is. And so my main dilemma is how to tell her not that I think she needs to spend time with more but that I'd rather she sat with them, that now her sitting with me and pretending to be my best friend is all a joke. I know she's not mine. So why is she pretending I'm hers? The other option is don't tell her anything. But then- but then I will hate myself for not trying to make our "friendship" work. And the third option is to just hold onto whatever we have; and keep pretending. But im not a pretender. I'm not fake; nor will I ever be. So should I confront her? Only talking on the phone with my bff for two hours and discussing what to do wont solve anything. The real solution, I believe, is let it go. I have enough best friends, enough happiness, enough fun, enough love to keep what I have without bullshitting a friendship. So I guess losing a best friend is going to hurt, but not enough to make me keep chasing after a solution. And though I might change with time, and become an attention seeking whore, well then I will probably have a best friend (or ex best friend shall i say) writing one of these for me too. But whatever. Thats life.

McCain

McCain is, to put it briefly, a genuine jackass. You and I both know there is a high chance he could get very sick during his Presidency. So who does he leave the fate of this country in the hands of? A 44 year old with less experience than Obama. Don't get me wrong, if he wins, I want her to become President. She'd be the first female president and then maybe the country would just burn down in flames because she has no idea what she's doing. But at least it wouldn't be McCain. What I'm pissed about is why McCain is a big enough dickhead to turn women and young people to his favor by picking Palin. Women and young people make up a big percent of this country, and to be quite honest, I wouldn't be surprised if they all voted for him just because he picked Palin. America is pretty dumb. It let Bush win a second term. And so I'm pissed that this 72 year old fag is not being fair to Obama who, just because he is young, gets more of the youth vote. But McCain is not young, so he has to go making a really stupid decision. And who knows, Palin could be really great, but if her crap vision gets someone shot, or decides to go to war with some random country, I hope McCain knows it was his fucking wrong doing. But props to women empowerment. I think men are losing their brains, the male Presidents are all getting dumber and dumber and thats a sign that women should start thinking more and more about this. But anyways, if anyone here is Republican, I hope you know you're dumb. Not because you're not Democratic but because you're the stubborn people of America who don't want change (like Obama- a black president) and are still supporting old men with little wisdom.